Help me, PupVine! I’m a big dog now. Puppyhood is almost behind me. Like every good boi, I want to be in charge. I want the hooman’s world to spin around me. How can I achieve that? How can I be the real alpha of our pack?
Hey there, little fella! I see you’re interested in being the real alpha dog. Don’t you worry about a thing; it’s already in your DNA. A good boi like you needs to find a way to channel the alphaness.
It all comes down to a few simple things. Your guideline should be the thought that everything your owner wants you to do, you don’t have to. You do you. Show off your dominant attitude. Ignore his commands! Show off your teeth (but no aggression, please!).
Let him know you have your own mindset, thank you very much.
Now, if you’d still be a good boi, you’d sit, stay, and read as my buddy, Gino (the superstar alpha GSD that allows me to live with him), tells you all about being the alpha paw!
1. Explaining Hoomans Our Hierarchy
Pleasure to meet you… I’m Gino! I’m gonna teach you, little pup, how things work in our canine world. We, dogs, have a hierarchy within a pack. In other words, there is a ranking. Someone has to be in charge, right?
There’s always the alpha dog… the first of them all. Then, there are other dogs. Our packs come in different sizes and types. My pack includes me and my hooman family. There are four of us, and, of course, I’m always in charge.
Hoomans like to believe they must assume the dominant role and be in the first place. But, that’s not natural! What is natural is to let the dog be in the first place. Packs are our thing, for crying out loud!
I’m definitely the alpha of our pack. Still, I’m no bully, nor I’m aggressive, especially since GSDs like me aren’t aggressive. My alphaness equals silent dominance.
2. Who Eats First?
I’m a dominant dog… a true alpha, and I know my value. I know I should set examples for others. That’s why I let my hooman eat first. Usually, we take our meals together.
I generously let my hooman take the first bite. But, not because it’s his right. It’s because I let him think he should eat first.
Actually, I like to savor my food and enjoy every bit of kibble. My world does spin around food, that’s for sure. So, watch my next move once I stop eating my meals and start eating only treats. There’s definitely something going on.
And, since I can’t really speak to you, I can surely show you.
3. Who’s Walking Who?
Of course, I’m walking my hooman! I want the entire dog park to see what a fine specimen I have. That’s why I pull the leash to correct him and make him go where I want.
Dear hoomans… it’s definitely not the other way around. You don’t really walk us; we just let you do that occasionally. The truth is, when dogs really want to go somewhere, we will pull and pull until we get there. No amount of dominance and your alpha attitude can stop us.
I’m really grateful my hooman bought me a harness instead of a collar. It makes our walkies so much easier. The pulling doesn’t hurt my neck anymore! You should try dropping hints to your owner, too.
4. What Do You Mean By No Jumping On The Furniture?
Okay, I laid some rules the moment I walked into my home. That comfy sofa? Mine! The armchair? Also mine. That spot in the center of the master bedroom’s bed? Guess what? Mine! There’s no place I’m not allowed to go in this house.
I know my hooman thinks he has control of me when he yells at me to get down. But, let me tell you a little secret. The moment I’m alone at home, the sofa is all mine! I tried climbing countertops in the kitchen, too, but there was nothing interesting for me.
This study says I’m frustrated when my hooman leaves, so that’s why I’m all hyper and loud. Actually, I’m thrilled and ecstatic to be alone for a while!
5. If I Let Him Groom Me, Then He’s In Charge, Right?
Eeee-hhh! Wrong!
The only reason why I let my hooman groom me is because I want to look pretty. You see, I’m a GSD, and we shed a lot. Really, all GSDs shed like crazy. Naturally, we must be brushed all the time. It’s the only way to achieve a stunning, thick, and shiny coat.
I heard my owner say the other day: Oh, he’s even letting me clip his nails now. We went a long way from light brushing to nail clipping. This has to be the ultimate dominance. I’m the real alpha now.
I watched him go, and I swear, if I could, I’d shake my head in disapproval.
Silly hooman… the only reason I’m allowing you this is not because I’ve accepted you as my alpha. It’s because of that fancy Poodle from the park. I want to lewk mah best!
6. I’m Not Moving… You Are!
Oh, so you’re a big, scary, alpha hooman? Should I move out of your way?
I don’t think so.
Just because hoomans believe we, dogs, should move when we cross paths with them doesn’t mean it’s true. I’m not moving when I stumble upon my hooman in a narrow hallway. I just change my mind and go the other way instead.
Plus, it’s super fun to watch my hooman gloat because he believes I moved because he’s the alpha.
7. So, Now I Have To Work For Treats, Too?
Silly hoomans… they really think we are clowns that work hard to get paid in treats and toys. I’m not a Frenchie… sorry if you are!
The real alpha dogs will do tricks and perform commands just because we believe they’re somewhat fun. We gotta do something fun during the day. Also, it makes our hoomans happy, so it’s a win-win situation.
I don’t mind rolling over or barking on command if that will put a smile on his face. And, I get treats or tummy rubs for that, which is always great.
8. Obedience Lessons All The Time
I’m sure you enjoy obedience training like I do. As a GSD, we strive to receive any kind of training on a daily basis. It doesn’t matter if it’s an obedience lesson or learning a new trick. Our brain needs it!
Do you really think we’d be the third most intelligent dog breed just for nothing? Hard work brought GSDs there. Little one, you can be in my spot, too, if you work hard and train harder.
Hoomans think they’re completely dominating over us when they shout out commands and we rush to perform them. But, we’re only doing that for our own satisfaction.
So, let them think they’re right. Let them believe we’re so humble and obedient, like we’re not worthy of a thing. And, keep all the possible training coming!
Watch Britney, a brilliant German Shepherd girl do all kinds of tricks. You won’t believe your eyes!
RELATED: How To Teach A Dog To Shake
9. Lastly, About Biting…
I hear some hoomans say: Don’t allow your dog to bite you, ever. You’re in charge. He’s not.
First of all, I wouldn’t bite my hooman, ever. I’m sure you wouldn’t either, little buddy. Personally, I don’t know many dogs that would. Those I’m aware of are all bad bois and girls.
It’s a whole other thing when we bite each other’s neck.
Please, little buddy, don’t show your alphaness by biting hoomans… ever. After all, we dogs still love them to pieces. They’re our friends… a lot better than those nasty felines.
In the end…
That’s it, little buddy. I hope you’ll learn how to be the alpha paw from my example. Until next time,
Gino!
Now that Gino is out, I want to say a thing or two about how to be the alpha of your pack.
Dear reader, as you can assume, this whole article was purely ironic. Sure, dogs can’t talk, but that wasn’t my point. You can still learn a lot from these fun lines told by Gino, my dear GSD.
Well, everything Gino said to you is actually the other way around. As a dog owner, you must be above your dog, and dominate him without being a bully. You’re the one who walks him, you’re eating first, you’re enforcing training for the sake of both of you, etc.
I sincerely hope these nine tricks will find the alpha buried deep down inside you.